My week without my baby has been a weird and wonderful week.
I am in a hugely privileged position that I have willing grandparents who offered to take my Mini Blossom to the caravan for the week so I could….well do whatever the heck I wanted.
And as I sit here writing this, waiting for him to get home today it has truly been bittersweet. To give you context by husband works away during the week so Monday to Friday it is me and the baby which is wonderful and full on all at the same time.
So I’ve been on a mission this week to hit every base. We booked gig tickets on a school night and went out!! I’ve tried to sleep, relax, exercise and be self-indulgent with my time, all at the same time…and do all the things that aren’t a priority when you have a toddler. Simultaneously I’ve tried to work my butt off cleaning, organising, sorting, washing, folding and doing jobs in the house that just niggle away at you over time, but again slip down the priority pile. While also preparing for this week’s Hypnobirthing workshop, reviewing resources, writing blogs, filming videos, creating new audios and everything else that goes on behind the scenes at Blossom HQ.
I was massively ambitious and I have to be careful not to be sad at this point that I didn’t wipe everything off my to do list…..that was probably 20 times longer that it normally is because I had ‘time.’
I wanted everything to feel reset, perfect almost before the complexities of toddler life started again. In truth, whether there is a toddler there or not…life happens, time disappears and you can’t be at 100% energy all the time. I am a human, not a robot.
I tried to be kind to myself, I got a Pilates class in , slept in (a little), wee’d alone, had a glass of guilt free wine and spent time remembering how to function as one entity rather that two closely related ones. This has been so good for my mental health, being spontaneous was fun.
Being busy helped me mange the missing him. That heavy feeling that a piece of your heart is too far away from your body vibrates in the background and you never quite settle.
But I know he’s had sooo much fun and learnt so much. From videos I’ve seen his speech has become clearer and more sure. He has explored a new world without me and had an adventure, helping his confidence and sense of self. And I am so excited to see his face, his smile and enjoy some snuggles. And forget what it was like to ever be alone all over again